I was talking to two people on Monday, within an hour of each other. Both identify as trans* and they each said something that hit me hard. I don’t think either meant to.
One is a friend of mine who’s dealing with mental health issues. Zie’s working through past events and one issue zie chose is zir “failure to be a girl”. The other is a young man I follow online (blog wise not stalking). I messaged him because he hadn’t been writing in a while and I wanted to make sure he’s okay. He assured me he was just busy with school work and was fine. He’d had a few bad days but many more good days, more than he deserved.
This post is for them.
There are a lot of things we don’t get to chose in life. We don’t chose where we’re born, our families, or our bodies. It’s a crap shoot and we deal with what we get. Some people luck out and some people don’t. Most of us land somewhere in the middle, with things we love about ourselves and things we hate. You didn’t pick your bodies or the hormones that flowed around you as an embryo. And, as a Mom, I didn’t pick the hormones my body produced while I was pregnant. That’s just life.
You are not a failure to be a girl. You are a success at being you; an amazing writer and a great friend. I know you have bad days. Days where you feel down… days where your voices natter at you, echoing your negative thoughts. But you’re not a failure, you’re simply not a girl. And that’s fine.
As for you… last I checked you’re a college student, struggling to balance school and extra-curricular activities. None of which, as far as I can tell, involve things like torturing kittens. So what’s this about more good days than you deserve?
Let’s face it, we all have bad days. That’s just life. But even if every single day you have turns out to be good, that’s as many good days as you deserve.
You both deserve good days.