I just don’t understand people…

Some of you might not realize that Jeremy came out as bisexual last summer. As far as I know he’s currently identifying as straight but sexual orientation is a very prickly subject with Jeremy and one we discuss rarely. He also identifies as gender nonconforming and not as 100% male. So far he doesn’t identify as trans but he also hasn’t sorted out his gender yet. This means I’ve already been through a couple of instances where he’s “come out” and am sure I haven’t reached the last of them yet.

Jeremy can drive me right round the bend. As I write this, he’s sitting in his pyjamas in the living room. The dishes he was supposed to wash yesterday are in the sink and he’s dragged a tangle of computer cords into the bathroom (???). He’s also dumped a bag of electonics across the couch. So he’s not exactly in my good books right now. I just got home from work though and the mess can wait for a brief time.

That being said, my irritation with him has to do with chores. Not his pjs… or his perfume… or him eyeing some naked guy on the beach at camp. And even when I’m joking about punting him off our balcony, I’m sorting out what to buy him for Christmas this year and contemplating school lunches. The kid’s not going anywhere (except hopefully to take out the recycling).

I saw this today…

I don’t understand people sometimes; I really don’t. No matter what that mother said, this isn’t love or support and it certainly isn’t family.

Also there’s been a GoFundMe account set up for Daniel to help him with living expenses.

15 thoughts on “I just don’t understand people…

  1. As far as I can tell, Jeremy spends a lot of time in those pajamas. 🙂 And I totally agree with you. My kids don’t give me stress about you think they give me stress about! Society is what stresses me out!

    • He’s lived in them all summer long. He’s grudgingly getting dressed now so we can get some grocery shopping done (and buy purple hair dye for back to school) then he’s going right back into his pjs.

      Sigh… society stresses me out too.

  2. In sociology, when dealing with not-Western cultures, and to avoid cultural bias, tend to use words like “androphilia” (attracted to men), “gynephilia” (or “gynecophilia”, attracted to women), and “ambiphilia” (attracted to members of both). With some genderqueers and non-binary trans people, they may also add words like skoliophilic/skoliosexual (attracted to gender-variant people), pansexual (does not consider gender in who they are attracted to, which differs from bisexuality when you consider it’s spectrum verses binary, and bisexuality still does emphasize gender), androgynephilic (attracted to androgynous people), and yes even asexual (not really attracted to people at all). There are also demisexuals, people who don’t form bonds with people until they feel really close to them.

    He could be like me (though due to a different cause, mine’s tied to my menstrual cycle), sexually fluid. It could be due to his autism, as a high percentage of trans men experience autistic symptoms and are sexual fluid themselves. Many trans women and effeminate men also have “hormonal fluctuations” themselves and could also experience sexual fluidity,too, if the variations go beyond a standard variation.

    And the word is, the boy in that video is now staying with supportive family and friends, and will continue to go to college. His family is cutting him off, but they can’t do anything to him now as he is legal. I just hope he can claim independence on his FAFSA and qualify for Pell grants!

    • Thanks for the information. I’m hoping that someday Jeremy will look at it but chances are it won’t be any time soon.

      And I’m very glad to hear that Daniel has people supporting him and am amazed at how much money’s been raised for him.

      • Wish I wasn’t broke, would love to donate!

        And to further clarify, all those I referenced only has to do with who you are attracted to, without consideration of your own gender (like gay, straight, etc.). Both straight men and lesbians are gynephilic, as in they like women, but it has nothing to do with how they each identify gender-wise. Hope it especially helps Jeremy.

        People ask me how it works as a trans man, or they say I’m “straight” because I primarily keep to other men. Given I identify as a guy and like guys, I could say I am gay Has nothing to do with what I was born as; it only matters with how I identify now. The trans community kidn of needs to get beyond the whole
        “assigned at birth” thing and focus more on how we identify ourselves. It would make things so much easier for non-trans people.

  3. And sorry for the long comment there, as a barista I am drinking way more coffee than usual, some of the linking I screwed up, but hope these resources can help with his gender issues and how it differs, but can still influence, his orientation. As much as we don’t want to pigeon-hole ourselves with labels, they can still be helpful—they can help us find other people similar to ourselves, from who we are, to how we relate. Labels are still words, and words are how we still primarily connect and communicate.

    • I get ya. I get easily confused about labels and have used the Genderbread Person graphic to try to work it out. Mentally I’m androgynous to masculine, I want to be the same on the outside. I do not like to call myself pansexual, sounds too much like pan the god and panic, but gender is a non-issue. The Genderbread Person is good because I can make a mark on a spectrum, rather than necessarily pick a label.

      • Took a while to fully get comfortable with the male identity. As much as I tried to all myself “trans masculine”, didn’t stick. Just like the label “butch” after 10+ years. I’m a dude who primarily likes dudes; yes I find women attractive until, well, it’s tie to get physically intimate. I need physical attraction as much as romantic attraction. That’s why I simplify myself as a trans gay man.

      • I think this is why even binary trans are turned off by gendequeers. There are so many different terms people are using to simultaneously describe them in one sentence, rather than one term that encompasses everything (like “gay”, a guy who likes other guys, as opposed to something like “androsexual male” 😀 ) And because “genderqueer” and “non-binary” are purposely meant to be undefined, cis hets don’t like that all often, either. (No one likes when they hear someone says their orientation is “queer”, whether as meaning as an insult, or to purposely undefine themselves. Biphobia and bisexual erasure.) They want everything as “simple” as possible, like eighth-grade level stuff! Ugh. After I start testosterone, even if it might shift my orientation and I become “straight” (a trans man who likes women, and it’s been documented to happen), I highly doubt I will “be” 😀

      • Turned off?

        The funny thing is, I’m straight and cisgender but I’m also vegan and an atheist (who attends a UU church). I was always just one step off from everyone else and I’ve spent my whole life having people telling me that I was trying to be weird and trying to be different. Yet I wasn’t, I was simply being myself. And I’m not willing to assume that others are trying to be undefined or different. Rather, chances are they’re simply being themselves.

        Why not just let people be themselves? People in general are messy and complicated, life isn’t simple. We need a lot more acceptance in this world and a lot less being “turned off” by differences.

        And, just a head’s up, I will not tolerate putting someone down for their sexual orientation or gender identity on my blog and your comment skirts really close to a put down. Please be respectful of everyone here.

  4. I can understand that transgender people going through transition just a few years ago were pushed very hard to always/never wear jewelry, always wear skirts (sparkly jeans just wouldn’t do) and were told to give up anything deemed too masculine or feminine.

    It would be easy for people who were pushed by gender clinics to embody the ends of the gender spectrum, to feel aggrieved that their hard won hormones and surgeries.that they were told would be denied them if they weren’t wearing earrings on their visits (yes, I am serious) to hospital are now being given to people who aren’t being pushed to an extreme. Who can be their own gender variety. My partner isn’t aggrieved though, for which I’m grateful.

    I think there are as many genders as there are people. I frequently describe myself as queer. That’s just how I’m comfortable.

  5. Pingback: An update on “How not to react when your child comes out as gay” | Because I'm Fabulous

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