Thank you!

Jeremy has known about this blog since I started writing it. They enjoy listening to the blog posts but it hasn’t really affected them. There’s been a couple of times I’ve commented on “our blog” or “our views” and each time they’ve quickly retaliated with “it’s your blog”.

Jeremy has me for support and their sister but that’s pretty much it. Their closest friend moved in June and, as I posted yesterday, they aren’t getting support from the school. I know my family loves Jeremy but I can’t see them hauling up a rainbow flag and practicing saying “they” for a pronoun. They’re far more likely to declare Jeremy to be weird and claim “he’ll outgrow it”. So no real support there either. Even their counselor has no information on being trans and, on top of that, she’s been sick for the past month. Jeremy hasn’t seen her since July.

I got up this morning and replied to comments on yesterday’s post… then replied to comments during both my breaks and on the bus ride home. When I got home, Jeremy informed me one of their educational assistants had read the letter. She wanted Jeremy to know they can’t use the netbook as a way to calm down, it was strictly for school work. This wasn’t in the letter at all. Meanwhile she didn’t ask which pronoun Jeremy would rather her use, which was in the letter. Maybe she skimmed it too.

I pulled Jeremy over to the computer and started reading the comments. They sat and listened to every one of them, insisting I read them all, even the ones not aimed at us.

“Look Mom, we’ve had 114 people read our blog today,” they said excitedly once I was done. Our blog.

We went for a picnic in our local conservation area and for the first time Jeremy opened up on their thoughts about trans in general. Then they commented on how life would be better if we lived in Minecraft.

“There would be no racism,” they mused. “Plus there’s no gender in Minecraft and you can change how you look as many times as you want.” They paused, obviously lost in thought. “Oh, and you could punch down trees with your fist.”

Thank you for being here because I can’t do this on my own.

 

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10 thoughts on “Thank you!

  1. You’re not alone and neither is Jeremy. I’m glad they listened to what was said on your blog. Perhaps a step closer? (Even if their school apparently has some limited staff- seriously! Don’t they know how to read??)

  2. I remember my own adolescent period with discomfort. Prejudice 20/25 years ago was a whole other story. The conservative movement (Reagan/Thatcher) had taken over. Televangelists were at the height of their popularity. Swaggart, Robertson, Jim & Tammy Faye.
    The stereotypes of gay men were nefarious. Pervs who actually wanted to be women, then died because of promiscuity as god punished the gay community with Aids.
    Gender roles were hammered into people. Boys do this, boys don’t do that. Boys must have short hair, boys must like team sports, boys would never wear a ‘scent’, boys don’t cross their legs, boys can’t be interested in fashion, art or design; it was exhausting for people who didn’t conform naturally to those expectations. The only way to not be excluded or live in the margins was to just fit in.
    I think that’s partly why Jeremy is so important to many of us. He’s a real-life symbol of progress. Of people people afforded the space to be and live as they please.

    • There’s a young man at my work who’s openly gay and was just as much of a “pink boy” as Jeremy. He puts on perfume in the break room, hates team sports and watched all the Barbie movies when he was little. He’s one of the most popular kids at work. Thankfully times are definitely changing for the better.

  3. The girls had no problem mocking me in the hallways because I refused to be “girly” like them, and kept asking if I wanted to “be a boy”, but sure did not mind trying to fight to have me on “their team” when the gym teachers split us up as girls-vs-boys. One time when they told the boys to throw with their recessive hand (we had plenty of southpaws for sure!), I threw with mine. They asked why. I told them I didn’t think it was really fair to the girls at all! The girls were horrified. The teacher asked if I wanted to sit out, without getting my grade deducted for lack of participation. I still played, but with my recessive hand.

    You would have thought I knew I was trans in the early aughts. It was the height of the Bush years. I lived in a small, right-of-center conservative town (women were encouraged to work, but glbt-anything was frowned upon). Already had a hard time because everyone thought I was a lesbian (as butch=lesbian somehow?), and the out gay guys in school were bullied constantly, and no one would stop it. We had one out teacher but the kids sneered constantly about her, and one substitute, when she was outed, got fired because of it (subs aren’t union or guaranteed job security). No way in hell could I indulge in the idea of transitioning, or come out as a guy.

    And my folks wonder why I didn’t come out when I was younger? Ugh, it’s like blaming the victim.

    • That’s awful 😦

      I was a teenager in the 1980’s. There were kids we knew were gay but no one was out. The general idea back then was that kids grew up, moved to a big city and then came out. Trans was unheard of and it was considered way too dangerous to come out in school. I can remember hearing male classmates bragging about going to Toronto to throw rocks out the window at “fags”.

      I’m very glad it’s getting better.

      • Some claim trans doesn’t exist because straight dudes created it so the more effeminate partner could “become” a woman (the concept dates to the 60s!) and they could pass for straight.

      • Actually, going back to the early 80’s, I actually had a teacher that bragged about going with a friend and waiting outside the gay bar to beat up gay guys. This was acceptable talk from a teacher.
        What a welcoming environment.
        I still rememeber the teacher’s name.

  4. I am having a great time reading all the past posts, starting at the oldest and going forward in time. This one is super sweet. It is great that Jeremy is feeling some support from the comments YAH! And please give yourself a ton of credit for that, because you have done a ton of work to get this to happen. Not that Jeremy hasn’t done a ton of work too, zie has, too, of course.

    For me part of my support is about empathy and caring. Part is also about that girlie boys have played (and still play) a very important role in my life. Of course, I’m also aware of LGBT+ people as making the world and society richer and more wonderful.

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