There is a petition on the White House website to ban conversion therapy in the United States in Leelah’s name. I was able to sign it in Canada so you should be able to sign it just about anywhere. Right now it needs about 12,000 more signatures before February 2nd.
For more information and the link to the petition please click here.
I planned to go to our UU church on Sunday but Jeremy’s quiet words stopped me. Zie’d asked me for the second time if I was going to church and I told zir (again) that yes I was. Jeremy said ‘okay’ then I heard zir mutter as zie walked away, “I was hoping…”
I have no idea what zie was hoping but I put down the phone instead of calling for a ride and looked at the weather forecast instead. It had been -28C on Friday night but Sunday was mild with a high of 3C. The temperature was set to drop again on Monday.
“Why don’t we go for a walk instead,” I suggested. “We could take the bus downtown then walk along the trail to the lake.”
Jeremy bounced back into the room. “Okay,” zie said eagerly. “Just let me get my camera.”
I bought myself a camera after Christmas as a present to myself, which means Jeremy has my old camera; a bright red Olympus zie’s covered in rhinestone stickers. It looks fabulous.
I don’t think Jeremy’s uploaded any photos yet but I have some to share. Enjoy 🙂
It was a great walk.
And now I’m back to working on my speech. Our UU church is having a talk regarding transgender issues on the 1st and I’m one of four speakers; my speech is on raising a trans kid. I was supposed to have it written by last month but it will be done before the 1st. Deadlines are supposed to be rough estimates, right?
Okay, so it’s not cloudy and it’s a lot closer to *holy crap freezing* than merely cold but the title stands (simply because I hate writing titles).
Jeremy stayed up until about 4am Sunday morning. Zie knows zie’s been missing school every single Monday for weeks due to insomnia and hoped that staying up for 36 hours straight would allow zir to sleep Sunday night. Which didn’t happen and zie missed yet another Monday. I called on my way home from work to ask how zir chores went. I hadn’t left Jeremy with much, just tidying zir room and taking out the recycling.
“I didn’t get anything done Mom. It felt like someone was shooting daggers across the room into my eyes and I kept having to keep them closed.”
Jeremy can be more than a tad dramatic but that one left me speechless.
“Umm…” I finally stammered. “Uh, how are they feeling now?” Is there actual blood? Do I need to call 911?
“They feel okay now,” zie said. Phew.
“Can you go across the street and buy laundry soap?” I asked tentatively. Jeremy instantly panicked.
“No! I can’t do that, I really can’t.”
Laundry would have been nice. I’d spent a half hour plunging the urinal at work and really needed to wash my uniform. I have no idea what the urinal was clogged with. I have no interest in finding out. Thankfully I have an extra uniform so the laundry wasn’t a dire emergency. A shower was more important and I didn’t need laundry soap for that; just Jeremy’s “soap for hair”.
Then along came today. Jeremy called work in an absolute panic. Zie’d set the alarm for the wrong time (which zie hadn’t because I’d watched zir set it the night before) and was going to miss the appointment. I assured Jeremy that zie had plenty of time; everything would be fine. I got off the phone once zie stopped crying and went back on the floor only to hear the phone ring. I sighed and immediately turned around.
“Make it quick,” my manager snapped as she handed me the phone. “I need this for actual work today.”
I got on the phone to find Jeremy having a panic attack. Zie was hysterical and struggling to breath but I managed to get zir calmed down. The other manager was sympathetic and allowed me to call Jeremy back a short while later. I was relieved to find zir sleepy and a lot more relaxed.
The first manager sent me home less than an hour later, likely her idea of a punishment because I’d been off the floor too much, but it was a relief for me because I was worried about Jeremy. I didn’t like how panicked zie’d been and didn’t want zir home alone.
I called zir twice on my way home and both calls went to zir voice mail. I knew I’d go home and find zir fast asleep but couldn’t help worrying. Jeremy swears the EffexorXR’s helping and zie’s no longer suicidal but that doesn’t stop my fears. I left a second voice mail and wondered if my heart was pounding loud enough to be heard.
Jeremy was sleeping peacefully when I got home, which was a relief. Zie was still peacefully asleep four hours later, which was not.
“Come on Jeremy,” I sighed impatiently. I put my hand on zir shoulder. “Emma and Mark are going to be here in another hour or so and I’ve woken you three times already. You need to get out of be-”
My mouth snapped shut as zie opened zir eyes. Both whites were vivid scarlet, which explained zir dagger comment from yesterday.
“How’s your throat?” I asked. I felt Jeremy’s forehead then realized that was pointless with the mini electric fireplace blowing across zir bed.
“It’s sore,” zie whispered. Great.
“Go back to sleep,” I said quietly then turned out the light. Zir school will just have to deal with Jeremy missing yet another day of school. It’s not like they’re teaching zir anything at this point.
The school board official called while I was talking to Emma and I quickly called her back. Gatineau has not returned any of her multiple phone calls, despite them telling me they were eager to talk to her (and me signing a stack of release forms giving them permission). Plus she has no leads on other schools. Her only suggestion was to get Jeremy in to see the doctor about anxiety, which I’ve already done.
Thankfully my call with Emma was more fruitful. She picked up laundry soap while they were grocery shopping and she and Mark are going to take me to the drug store for eye ointment (which I’m beyond grateful for considering it’s -20C).
And for our good news… we’re going to see Pentatonix in two more months!!! This will be Jeremy’s very first concert. I can’t wait, not only to enjoy the music but to see Jeremy enjoying the music! For those who don’t know who I’m talking about, enjoy…
Edited: It’s funny, I was so sleepy last night but at the same time so determined to get this post up. It had to be up as close to the 6th as possible and the 8th, even though it was only a couple of hours away, was way too far away. Which proves that nothing brings out my inner toddler more than being overtired. I woke up this morning and when I looked at this post, all I could think was, “It’s a wonder I didn’t fall asleep at the keyboard.”
So I’m scrapping what I wrote previously (which was only five lines). Actually, the layout for Leelah is a work in progress too. My main computer is in the shop for at least another week so I have no access to my scrapbooking supplies. The layout was made with what I could download last night and I want this layout to be the best I can do, not the quickest (I will have more elements by the same designers). At some point I’ll post my final version as well, although that won’t be until the end of January.
Emma’s hand is on the left, showing her rocking her hot pink nails, while Jeremy and I are on the right. It was wonderful seeing all the pictures on Facebook yesterday (and on the 6th) of families painting their nails. I hope Leelah’s siblings are able to see the support and love being shown toward their sister and gain some comfort from it.
There are a lot of things Jeremy wants for zir room. A purple chandelier, a purple gemstone bedside lamp, acrylic tables, an acrylic chair… I could go on for ages. Basically zie wants about half of Bouclair mixed with a handful of Pier One for variety. But there’s one thing zie’s wanted for years; an electric fireplace of zir very own and today was zir day.
Next on the list is painting zir room purple. Hopefully sometime when I have two consecutive days off.
The new year is only four days old and it’s already brought multiple changes. Emma and her boyfriend came over for dinner on the 1st. Emma had some mild grumbles about Mark’s family New Year’s Eve party but nothing major. She’d also just told her Dad not to contact her again unless he’d grown up. I agreed with the sentiment but felt her message was too subtle for him to comprehend. It was a big step though as she’s always been worried that her Dad would abandon her and tolerated too much manipulation from him.
I woke on the 2nd to the real beginning of the changes. Two voice messages waited from Emma on my cellphone. Mark’s parents had heard an exaggerated version of her grumblings and told Mark she had a month to get out of their house. Which means she’ll be living here in three more weeks. Plus my phone hadn’t charged overnight (which is understandable considering my charger was unplugged) so listening to her messages took the last of my battery. This meant I’d been off Facebook for almost 24 hours by the time I got home, so it was a huge surprise when I discovered messages from friends asking about and apologizing for the upheaval, as well as an open chat message from “Facebook User”. One of my friends, who I’d had a pleasant chat with the night before, decided that myself and two other friends were deeply religious then went on to make nasty comments on a mutual group before deleting and blocking us (hence the Facebook User status). Calling me deeply religious is akin to admiring Patrick Stewart’s luxurious locks but I’ve never considered it an insult. I found myself wondering exactly how someone can go from having a friendly, casual conversation with a person to ranting and blocking them in under an hour but I guess I’ll never know. Having her block and delete herself saved me from a world of drama, which is a positive.
I was sent home work early on the 3rd, thanks to managers who knew a nasty winter storm was approaching. I got in just as the storm began and Emma arrived less than 5 minutes later. Her father began messaging and calling her almost immediately. She asked him not to call because she wasn’t home and he persisted, calling four or five times in the next half hour. The final straw was his last message in which he asked, in a whining tone, for her to please ask Jeremy if he* still liked his Dad and to text him the answer. Jeremy’s phone number has been in the family for seven years. Their Dad had it memorized when Emma held the number for the first three years but forgot it as soon as Jeremy took it over four years ago. He went on to tell Emma “you’ve been no fucking peach of a kid yourself. You’ve been a shitty kid yourself.” I listened to that message then helped Emma find a free program to block his number. It’s in the Google Play store under Calls Blacklist – Call Blocker (with a picture of a red shield and a crossed out white phone receiver). Blocking him will save her from a world of pain and drama, which is a huge positive.
Thankfully today has been fairly quiet. I went to our church’s fire communion, a UU ceremony which involves writing both things to hold on to and things to release and releasing them into a chalice flame.
Afterwards Jeremy and I went shopping, both for groceries and to pick up Christmas items on clearance. Jeremy picked out a teal blue, glitter encrusted reindeer from Bouclair (a store zie sweetly mispronounces as Blue Care). Zie also asked if we could pick up more of that “soap for hair” while we were out (I still had some shampoo from my Christmas stocking so zie’s happy). Right now the biggest change here is the weather. It was below zero and snowing yesterday then plus 8C and drizzling today. Tomorrow’s going to be -8 with a windchill of -14. I’m just going to cart around a bottle of Advil because even if I don’t need any, I’m sure at least two of my coworkers will.
Emma shared this picture with me yesterday and I just had to share it…
Someone in one of the forums I belong to shared this post titled 9 Ways to Save Your Life if You’re Young and Trans. It’s definitely worth a read and I’ll be adding it to my resources page as well.
This book came out about a decade too late for my kids but looks like a great bedtime story for anyone who has young children. Made by Raffi is a story about a shy young boy who gets teased. Then he discovers knitting and, with some ingenuity, makes things better…
A friend of mine wrote some prose that is well worth reading. Seriously, hop on over and read this… You are beautiful just as you are.
I started crying on the bus yesterday when I read this cartoon but they were more happy tears than anything…
Jeremy has a couple of songs zie listens to regularly. I shared one a few months ago but zie has another by Emma Blackery that zie would love to share. Enjoy…
* Jeremy is not out to zir father, hence the male pronouns.
Jeremy and I had a great New Year’s Eve. Karen came over with her boys and we had a vegan fondue and homemade pizza. I got the recipe for the fondue from the Vegetarian Times…
This recipe made tonnes of fondue dip, which would be helpful at a huge party but was overkill for the five of us. I see it being transformed into soup in the near future.
Karen made a chocolate fondue for the kids, which was a success for two of them. Jeremy, in particular, pretty much cleaned it up but zie’s always been a chocoholic (zie comes by it naturally).
And then Jeremy and I played Doctor Who Yahtzee. Jeremy quickly decided zie’d gain an advantage if zie surrounded zirself with Doctor Who paraphernalia. Every roll of the dice was accompanied by the TARDIS noise and zir handful of Doctor Who characters joined us.
I love the New Year. For all it’s an arbitrary date, I love the chance at a fresh start, a time to try and make things better. It’s a chance to reflect over the previous year and ponder the future. And I do resolutions.
1) Exercise at least three times a week and eat healthy – in some ways I’d love to look amazing this summer but my main reason is for health. I’m watching as more and more of my friends suffer from type two diabetes, high cholesterol, back problems, knee problems, breathing problems, etc. I’m really the only parent my kids have and they need me. I want to be healthy and here for them.
2) Spend more time with my kids – this one is tricky for an introvert who works in the public. Often by the time I get home, I’m totally peopled out and need time to recharge. But it doesn’t take long to play a game of Doctor Who Yahtzee and it would do both Jeremy and I some good to go for a walk, even if zir purple car tags along. Emma’s coming over this afternoon so I can start this resolution pretty much right away. And, even though Jeremy’s not exactly awake, I started off zir day with a good morning hug.
3) Watching my finances – I’m spending too much time dipping into overdraft and we’ve been eating out a bit too much too. I need to plan more “fancy” meals at home. There are things I’d like to do with Jeremy this summer which I won’t be able to do if our money’s frittered away on take out food.
4) Reach out more – I waited too long to extend an open offer to anyone who wanted to have Christmas dinner at our house. I need to try harder to reach a hand out to others. I put it off because I’m already stretched pretty thin, forgetting that when I’m reaching out to someone, they’re reaching out to me too. It’s a help for everyone including me.
5) Organize my life better – I won’t be stretched nearly as thin if I’m not going three directions at once. Life’s too busy to spend running around in circles.
I hope 2015 is a fabulous year for all of us. *throws confetti in the air*