I’m going to need a crowbar and forklift…

Jeremy went to school willingly on Monday, which not only floored me but surprised all my coworkers. I was thrilled with this… until I came home. I’d barely walked in the front door when Jeremy informed me zie’d gotten so fed up with being misgendered, zie started calling the teacher and EAs “he” and “him” to see how they’d like it. It turns out they didn’t like it at all.

One EA told Jeremy that she didn’t mind at all, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Zir teacher complained that she was promised zie wouldn’t make a scene if they forgot the right pronouns. Jeremy informed her that was supposed to be an occasional lapse, not non-stop for half a year. The teacher then went on to complain about Jeremy’s rudeness and told zir that she was going to write a letter to me about it. Then she sent zir out of the classroom ten minutes early sans letter. I figure she had second thoughts about writing me an angry note about being misgendered. Good choice on her part because I’d have either laughed hysterically or put that letter someplace letters should never go.

The irony of the whole situation is that Jeremy figures zie used the wrong pronouns for about five minutes.

I half joked on Facebook a few days ago that I was going to need a crowbar and forklift to get Jeremy out to school today. I could have used them because zie didn’t go. Jeremy was positive they were going to be mean to zir, which made zir anxious. Jeremy uses electronics to calm down, meanwhile they’re constantly fighting zir on having “gadgets” in the classroom.

There’s a meeting with the school board tomorrow night called Families Engaged, where they want to hear from LGBTQ families (either LGBTQ parents with children in the school board or parents with LGBTQ children). Emma and I are going and I’ll be sharing what’s happening with Jeremy. I also have a meeting with zir school on Tuesday. Jeremy’s not back in school until Wednesday so hopefully we can get something sorted out before zie returns; although considering my track record with this school I’m not hopeful.

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12 thoughts on “I’m going to need a crowbar and forklift…

  1. Jeremy is so brave. I’ve thought about intentionally misgendering people to see how they like it, but haven’t quite gotten up the guts. Doing it to authority figures – and more importantly, confronting them on the fact that they weren’t even trying to use zir pronouns… wow.

  2. I’m going to have to write a letter to my psych about misgendering. It’s not your track record with the school, it’s their track record of promising and not delivering, their fault, not yours. Goodness only knows why they’re being quite so difficult.

  3. School is already difficult for trans teens, we don’t need to be constantly misgendered on top of all our other problems. Good luck to Jeremy and the family for dealing with that, I hope you can all find a way.

  4. How frustrating! Hope the meeting went well and they were open to hearing what parents need to tell them! And I know that misgendering can drive a person crazy.

    • I didn’t end up going. I ended up staying home to find out what was going on with my Dad. They were talking about releasing him around the time I needed to leave.

      There’s another meeting in April and I’m going to see if I can message my concerns as well.

  5. So impressed with Jeremy! I can’t even say anything at all when anyone misgenders me (which happens every day by almost everyone), much less retaliate against those who should know better and don’t even try. There are three people in my life who I can be 100% sure will never misgender me even by accident, being around them is like a mini-vacation but it also makes it that much more obvious just how much being constantly misgendered hurts me.

    It really is an amazingly courageous thing to speak up about being misgendered. Even *just* for five minutes! It shouldn’t be necessary, of course. Sad and confusing how misgendering cis people is considered “rude”, but misgendering people like us is “normal” and objecting to it is “rude”. Blatantly obvious double-standard, but I suspect that Jeremy’s teachers don’t see it that way at all.

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