The shopping blues…

“Mom, I can’t find a clean shirt to wear,” Jeremy said ten minutes before we needed to leave for the bus.

I got rid of all my larger shirts a month ago but that didn’t stop me from frantically pawing through my shirt drawer and closet just in case I missed something, anything. I hadn’t.

Jeremy liked my black velour holiday shirt with glitter across the front but it was too small. It was also a little over dressed for Wal-Mart but if pjs are appropriate than fancy attire should be too. Jeremy finally declared my very last t-shirt to be “okay”. Zie also took my sweater, one I’d long outgrown but loved too much to give away.

Jeremy expressing zir

Jeremy expressing zir “inner cat lady”.

Both Jeremy and I approach clothes shopping with a sense of despair coupled by a frantic desire to flee, which is why we both need new shirts badly. It’s not that either of us hate clothes particularly, we simply hate what’s out there. Why on earth would a t-shirt need pleats on the back? Or a stripe of completely different fabric along the bottom (but just on the front)? Or an entire front panel that’s a different material? Rips up the side? Ties *and* rips up the side? See through material? Jeremy abandoned me halfway through the shirt section with a promise zie’d meet me at the dressing room if I found anything. Zir “if” sounded dubious. I didn’t blame zir.

I eventually found four shirts for me to try and three shirts for Jeremy before calling zir out of the electronic department. Zie dismissed all three as being too tight and too weird; I had similar complaints. Zie finished first and raced back to the electronic department, asking me to meet zir there.

The sales associate looked up from Jeremy’s pile of shirts as I walked over with mine. She leaned close, obviously concerned.

“Did you know all these shirts are from the ladies department?” she whispered.

I leaned close as well. “Yes, I know,” I whispered back. Then I walked away and collected Jeremy for grocery shopping.

I tried not to glare at the old man blatantly staring at Jeremy when I found zir by the cellphones, although, to be honest, he was so focused on Jeremy I don’t think he’d have noticed if I even stuck my tongue out at him.

I vented to Jeremy about shirts on our way home.

“All I want is a plain, simple t-shirt with maybe a picture or a saying on it. Preferably Doctor Who. That’s it!” I exclaimed. Jeremy nodded.

“All I want is a shirt that’s not too tight and pants that have pockets. Oh and both have to be purple.”

After our last round of shopping I’m thinking we might as well ask for the moon.

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17 thoughts on “The shopping blues…

  1. Shopping is a nightmare. When I find something neutral/masculine I generally get several the same. Am diversifying a bit lately. Tees have to be baggy over my chest, straight sided, high enough necked but not too tight, no boat necks, v necks, etc, be long enough to disguise my hips/backside. I’m picky about everything you’ve mentioned and logos.

      • Whoops I see I can’t add to what I wrote.
        I’m female. I buy men’s swimming trunks and sometimes other men’s clothes. I’ve never had someone ask if I know it is men’s clothing!!!
        I have worn only men’s underwear for many years, and I highly recommend it. Way more comfortable. But I still suffer from feeling there is “something wrong” because underwear must surely be some deeper psychological issue and wearing men’s underwear seems like something I should hide. I feel worried and ashamed even though I can articulate multiple ways that I think men’s underwear is “better” (for me and probably for many women).

  2. I can so identify with the “sense of despair coupled by a frantic desire to flee”. Seems like all clothes are made for match stick people… Do you not have printing shops where you can take a plain T-shirt and have your own design or slogans printed? Take care!

    • We used to have all sorts of t-shirt kiosks in the 80’s but I haven’t seen one in ages. I wish those t-shirt kiosks would make a come back instead of shoulder pads and leggings!

  3. Have you tried Amazon? I really like the Doctor Who rainbow tshirt or the purple dalek silhouette on orange shirt, this is on UK Amazon though so not sure if you can find them… worth a try. Or Ebay, I hate shopping too and have found some amazing stuff online, I just Google exactly what I want and see what pops up 🙂

  4. Maybe it is worth mentioning thrift stores. There are some big ones here, and besides being cheaper the best thing is that the clothes are have much much more variety. One of each thing, so there are hundreds of different shirts. Even with all this variety, finding something I like is hit or miss. I haven’t been in a “clothing store” for years…. Can’t remember the last time. I do occasionally buy something new at costco (big box store). Mostly though i go to thrift stores and rummage sales. Honestly it is as much for the selection as for the prices.

    • Trufax. Wide range of sizes, vintage clothes, things that aren’t ‘trendy’ right now but are stylish and fun. You can find a lot of glitter and sparkle… and a lot of suits and smart casuals, clothing for all preferences. I really need to go on a charity shop crawl again. Plus the bonus of reusing clothes rather than buying things produced from new materials, and supporting charities. Everybody wins. Come visit sunny Greater London Michelle and Jeremy! I think we still have 7 charity shops on our high street here!

    • We have Value Village about a block away from us and I’ve found some good clothes there before. We need to go back and pick out some more stuff. Thanks 🙂

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