Ups and downs…

I wanted to write a cheery “spa day” post with pictures of Jeremy and I enjoying family time but that didn’t happen. Not that our spa day wasn’t good, or should I say spa half-hour… or to be more accurate our very distracted spa half-hour while Jeremy watched The Young Turks and disassembled electronics…

electronic relaxation

Not the togetherness I’d been anticipating

The best part of the evening was the masks I scooped up at Shoppers Drug Mart, which smelled like chocolate. I came home from work two days ago to find Jeremy wearing another mask simply because zie liked it so much. Apparently Jeremy loves spending the afternoon giving zirself a facial while deconstructing electronics. I forsee three for $5 chocolate scented masks in Jeremy’s stocking this year.

Zie also shaved zir arm pits and let me paint zir toenails. Jeremy had always shaved from the moment puberty started (if not before). Zie loves the silky smooth feeling of freshly shaved skin and only stopped when zir teachers made a big deal about teaching gender roles in class; telling the girls they had to shave while explaining that boys don’t (meanwhile they didn’t have enough time for regular math lessons). This was one time they didn’t try to force gender roles with Jeremy but their pointing out to the entire class that zie shaved and stressing how manly it was, because body builders shave to show their muscles, didn’t help either. Jeremy doesn’t want manly, bulging muscles and didn’t want to be centered out in class. Zie immediately stopped shaving and has been anxious about starting ever since.

Jeremy was also worried about people seeing zir toenails and teasing zir about them. The sparkly polish disappeared into zir room and quickly vanished again as soon as it surfaced. Then came a comment from a stranger in our building while Jeremy was on the elevator alone. A man who looked at Jeremy, smiled, and said, “Hey, you aren’t wearing toe polish anymore? Why did you stop?” Sometimes people can be awesome! Jeremy was more than happy to put zir purple glittery polish back on when I found it once again.

slightly blurry purple toeses

Zie gets zir hobbit toes from me. Nothing like shaving your big toe for sandal season.

I woke at 3am several nights ago to find Jeremy curled in a ball on zir bedroom floor, crying that zie was a failure. Jeremy had connected one of zir tablets to a monitor, keyboard, and mouse then zie decided to upgrade the tablet to Windows 10, without realizing the upgrade would switch the tablet back to using a touch screen. The screen’s shattered and the tablet immediately refused to start. Resetting the tablet to factory settings didn’t help and doing this all in the middle of the night while exhausted definitely didn’t help. I assured zir that zie wasn’t a failure and reminded zir that the tablet screen can be replaced. Finally zie was willing to sleep.

Two days ago Jeremy happily cleaned up zir entire balcony, right down to scrubbing the balcony floor and washing the windows. Today zie washed most of the dishes, cheerfully went out grocery shopping, then came home and cried because zie was sad and didn’t know why.

Yesterday we went out for a picnic and Jeremy took selfies on my camera…

Zie melts my heart

I’ve made an appointment with our family doctor so we can get a referral to a psychiatrist (both of us, not just Jeremy) and I’ve adjusted zir medication slightly so zie’s taking the pills at the same time as me; breakfast and dinner instead of both at dinner. I’d have asked the doctor first but he’s on vacation. The sobbing on zir bedroom floor at 3am was before the medication change. The grocery shopping and cleaning the balcony was after.

Now zie’s washing the dinner dishes before we watch Doctor Who. I’m exhausted but zie’s looking forward to watching it with me and I’m not going to mess with happy family time; especially when it involves the Doctor.

Hopefully tomorrow will be another good day.

Angel and Jeremy

Sometimes all we need is a purring cat. Sometimes all the cat needs is a loving human… and sometimes both are lucky. Jeremy and Angel.

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9 thoughts on “Ups and downs…

  1. I’m not sure if what I’m going to say is helpful, but the fact of the matter is life is tough. It’s even tough for the people who conform. I know blonde, blue-eyed, heterosexual conformists who soak their pillows in tears every single night.
    They suffer from conforming while also knowing they’re not the ‘real thing.’ None of us are the real thing. None of us are failure or success. There are always others who will have more money, more friends, a better job- a tablet that downloads windows 10 without problems. At the same time there are people with less money, less friends, more difficult jobs and no tablets at all. We wouldn’t dream of calling them failures for that, right? I have a very strong feeling Jeremy would personally object to calling anyone in a complex situation a failure.
    So what zie must understand is zie can’t reserve special criticism for zie-self (that’s probably the incorrect form, but it’s 2am here, so just go with it.) when that standard wouldn’t be acceptable for anyone else.

  2. Purple sparkly toenails are awesome! Mine are a sparkly pale blue right now. But I’ll be honest, I hide my toes in heavy black leather boots (how’s that for uber-masculine??)

    But my fingernails are a glittery (5-colored) rainbow (because I only have five fingers). 🙂

    I hope Jeremy has more encouraging moments like that in the elevator. Sometimes those words from a near-stranger make all the difference in the world, when the same words from a friend feel meaningless.

    • Very cool! I can’t wear nail polish to work and keep seeing so many glittery varieties.

      Right now Jeremy’s Skyping with a friend of zir’s from the trans Minecraft server and both teens seem quite happy 🙂

      I hope zie has many more encouraging moments like that (and you too).

  3. Oh I am so happy to read this post. Hurray for encouragement, and for happily washing dishes and cleaning our spaces….. This is wonderful!

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