“I borrowed one of your shirts,” I called as Emma untied her shoes in the front hall.

She walked into the living room and looked at me, “You can keep it,” she said, “It looks good on you. Besides I won’t be needing it.”

“So you’ve decided? You’re not transitioning?” I asked.

“I can’t,” she replied. “I want to be a parent so badly.”

I’d already talked to her about adoption and using a sperm donor. She’d vetoed both, wanting a baby that came from her.

I said the first thing that came to mind. “It’s a good thing I didn’t buy an Emma name card for your bedroom door.”

“Oh yeah,” she breathed. “I would have cried.”

“Are you changing because you really are male?” I had to ask.

She shook her head, “No. I’m female.”

I don’t know what to do now. She figures she won’t need to tell the family because they don’t use her name and pronouns anyway. I think they could use a head’s up. But then there’s Facebook and her doctor’s office and, well, me. I changed pronouns quickly when she started out with zie and moved to they. I even switched quickly when she went back to he for half a year. But switching back to male everything when I know she’s a woman? That’s harder. A lot harder.

So, from now on I’ll be doing my best to refer to Emma as Colin and using the pronouns he and him. And maybe someday I’ll be able to say Emma again.

9 thoughts on “Detransitioning…

  1. I can see why that’s ?hard? ?A lot to think about? ?Really sad?
    I can also understand his/her decision. (I hope my using both pronouns is not disturbing).

    I hope he/she will find many people who are able to embrace both his choice to maintain reproductive capacity AND that he is a woman.

  2. At least your child knows they can be Colin or Emma, he or she, change between the two as many times as needed. To have a loving parent who supports you whatever you decide is invaluable, I admire your unwavering support, it must get very confusing/difficult at times.

    • Thank you. I slipped up and called her Emma today then apologized. She said, “I don’t mind. You can call me both names.” I have no idea what I’m doing but she seems happy so I guess I’m doing okay.

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