It was another angry morning. Colin was upset about a video someone produced, wishing single Moms a happy Father’s Day. He ranted through the whole video then pointed out there was only one happy Mother’s Day for single Dads and it had been made in retaliation.
“For a young woman, you sure get awful shirty about feminist issues,” I commented and he exploded.
“I’m not a woman! I’ll never be a woman! I don’t want to hear you say that again!!!”
“Umm okay,” I replied. I mean what else could I say? And he went on ranting about the school system and how it lets down boys and young men.
Our day went by. He went to school, getting drenched on his way, and we went grocery shopping… thankfully between rainstorms. Finally we were home and the food was put away.
“I was reading an article today,” I commented as casually as I could. “Both parents are trans and they both stopped taking their hormones and he got pregnant.”
“That’s really rare,” Colin replied.
I shrugged, “I think it’s a lot less rare than the doctors say. They only hear about it if someone wants to study it. Meanwhile trans people are the ones out there having the babies. Besides, sperm is reproduced all the time so once the hormones die down the sperm will start up again.”
Then Colin threw a curve ball.
“Mom? I can’t transition. What if I end up ugly?” he said, his voice almost a plea.
“You’re not going to be ugly,” I assured him. “Look, I see lots of before and after pictures online and hormones do amazing things. I’ll see a picture of someone who looks like your average man and, wow, she turns into a beautiful woman.”
He just smiled and went off to play video games. Meanwhile I made dinner and thought.
It wasn’t until after dinner that I approached Colin.
“I have something I want to say to you,” I started.
Colin laughed. “And I might hate you for it.”
“Hate me for what?” I asked and he laughed again.
“You’ll find out,” he replied with yet another laugh. At least he was in a good mood.
“I love you,” I started, “and I just want you to know you’re gorgeous.”
“You are gorgeous no matter what but even if you transition you still will be gorgeous. You don’t have to be gorgeous by cis standards. You will be an absolutely gorgeous trans woman.”
There was absolute silence for a moment then Colin leaned over for a hug.
“I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you too,” I replied.
Maybe he will never transition. Maybe. But everything I’ve ever read or heard says it gets harder and harder not to be your true self and chances are someday Colin will need to transition. And I want him to know, no matter what, that he’s gorgeous.