Am I binging?

20190914_164447The first one slid down so smoothly and easily, an intoxicating balance of peanut butter and dark chocolate. The second one was almost as good. I lost count as I continued to eat. Taste and enjoyment faded away behind the urge to eat just one more… and another… and another… I couldn’t stop. I’d been planning on having two peanut butter cups a day but I ended up with twelve treats in under ten minutes. Why had I done it again? My mind continued to berate me. I was lazy… lacked self control… fat… ugly… I would never eat healthy… I’m the ugly sister in the family and this overeating just proved it. Obviously I was weak. Who couldn’t stop eating? I just needed to put the food down. It was that simple.

But it wasn’t that simple. Time after time I’d eaten a whole carton of Haagen Daz, a whole bag of chips, a huge bowl of spaghetti, a sleeve of cookies (and maybe one more). I’d eat until my stomach stretched uncomfortably and it felt like my food was kicking the valve to my esophagus.

And I have to stop.

This won’t be easy. I have to stop worrying about dieting and my weight because they seem to cycle into this eating. And I’m going to have to ignore some pretty strong cravings for just about anything unhealthy. Funny how I never crave an orange. Maybe that will change.

I see my psychiatrist this week, which is good. Even though I feel like I have binge eating, he’s the one that went to school for this.

If you struggle with binge eating, could you please share any tips on what made the cravings better? Thank you so much!

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2 thoughts on “Am I binging?

  1. What helps is having a clear and consistent line, such as never eating refined sugar, or never eating eggs. If this is done with clarity and consistency the desire and internal debate eventfully ease off. Takes time. I don’t eat sugar because I don’t want yo have the internal discussion about how much. It’s not that I think THIS particular cookie will damage my health terribly, but it will start and contribute to a lifelong tendency to fall for sugar and want to eat it in quantity.

    Please note that going to ZERO will not end desire or obsession or thoughts of cookies right off. It might make the desire more for a while. But eventually it lessens, and eating cookies becomes NO LONGER AN OPTION. (I’m not making decisions about it, because I made the decision, I stick to it, and there’s no internal discussion.)

    FI more info Google “Susan Pierce Thompson”.

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