Is this goodbye?

20191021_102325_hdrIt was 2007 and our cat Pumpkin had been put to sleep due to cancer two months earlier. The kids were begging for a new cat and, I must admit, there was a hole in our home that needed some extra purring and love.

I decided we’d adopt an older cat and told this to the lady at the shelter. Of course the kids had other ideas.

“Mom! Look at this one!,” Kait said and then she giggled. “She just licked my nose!”

“Those aren’t our older cats,” the lady informed me. “They’re… oh… you’re looking at one of our black cats!!! This one’s Blackie, she’s 11 months old. Would you like to hold her?”

Would we like to hold her? One of the silliest questions ever. I looked at the joy on Kait’s face and decided that was the one.

Blackie smoothly moved into our home, making friends with our oldest cat Angel, then befriending Oreo when he arrived. Colin and I moved with her to this apartment where she got adopted as Mommy Cat by Lara.

I can’t picture our home without her marching imperiously to the kitchen to be fed… her scurry to the front door to greet me… her happy nose licking… and her snuggling under the covers with me in the winter. Right now she’s sprawled in boneless bliss across the bottom of the bed, her sleep punctuated with slight snores. It doesn’t seem imaginable to picture her gone. My greeter of people and stander on keyboards.

I weighed her last week, first by weighing me holding her, then by weighing me alone, and finally subtracting the two numbers. She weighed 5lbs, which is worrisome. So I made sure she got the biggest portions of wet cat food, even at 2am. If Blackie’s hungry, she’s fed. Then I weighed her yesterday and was shocked to see her at 3lbs.

Blackie sees the vet this Wednesday, first thing in the morning. I’m hoping there’s a simple solution… but I don’t see one. And it feels so weird to mourn someone who’s still here and has no idea of the gravity of the situation.

I will update this post on Wednesday when I get more information.

5 thoughts on “Is this goodbye?

  1. Kathleen, as I said earlier, letting her go while she is still pain free and content is probably the best gift you can give her. You may remember we had to say goodbye to Piper in May. He was my lovely boy, sharing our home with his twin sister. At 10 years old they are considered quite elderly as labradors are big dogs. His decline was rapid, he lost 10 lbs in a little more than a couple of weeks. His tail still wagged whenever I spoke to him, he still snuggled at my feet wherever i sat and a proffered finger always received a kiss and a nuzzle. But it was his eyes, his big beautiful brown eyes that told me it was time. I wanted to have him live forever. He was MY boy, my companion, my trusty, faithful sidekick. He loved me unconditionally and fiercely. But I could not ask him to stay just because I loved him the same way. He was starting to hurt and his quality of life was diminishing. I could have babied him along for a few more months, maybe, said the vet but at what cost? His dignity? So that his sister,Skye, would still have a companion to play with and swim with her? So that my heart would not break? None of those reasons were good enough, or strong enoough. So we had a lovely vet service come to the house. They gave us plenty of time to say our goodbyes. It was done with kindness, empathy and grace.( and at a great hit to my wallet). We surrounded him, loving on him and telling him what a great dog he had been and then we gave the nod. She said it would be a few minutes until he was gone. He was gone in 30 seconds. I knew it was the right thing to have done, in that very moment, it was his time. But it was hard. Five months later it still hurts. I miss him every single day. But I did the right thing, for the right reasons and it was the last, best gift I could do for him. May your heart find peace when you go to the vet. Maybe there is something that can be done, if so, I hope that you can do it. But if Blackie should leave this mortal plane, may the memories of your time together bring you comfort. Hugs.

  2. (((hugs))) It’s definitely such a hard decision. Right now I’m just waiting for the vet to give me the options. Maybe there’ll be some amazing, simple cure but I’m not counting on it. Thanks!

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