A change…

When I started this blog back in 2013, it was aimed squarely at Colin. In those days he wore bright colours, was quite flamboyant, and regularly said, “because I’m fab-u-lous!”, hence the name of the blog. It never was about me. It was never supposed to be about me.

But Colin grew older, the flamboyance faded away, as did the colourful clothes. He came out as trans for a year then went back into hiding again. And I crept out, writing posts about me. There’s only so many stories I can write about the back of Colin’s head while he plays video games.

Slowly he grew out of his teens and I tweaked the title a bit and then finally we moved apart. It took me some time until yesterday when I looked at the blog’s banner and realized it wasn’t right. Colin lives just over an hour from me. Any posts about him are going to be few and far between. Seven years later, this blog is mine now.

It’s an ill fit. When I get right down to it I don’t feel fabulous, I hate myself. That’s something I have to work on. But hopefully I’ll grow into the title. Hopefully someday I’ll be fabulous.

everything is different

3 thoughts on “A change…

  1. Hello, as well as your son has. Maybe you Maybe the realization that it is now going to be more about you and not so much your older son has caused to also realize YOU are important and have choices, as well as your son, has. I would think after all this time you have grown and learned from life’s experiences that you can only control yourself and nobody else. Having learned that you can start taking charge of yourself and working on those areas that deal with self-esteem and loving yourself first before you can care for anyone else. Maybe your life has been caught up in your son’ s trials. Perhaps it is time to concentrate on your own, after all, we only have this one life. You have a lot of potential and knowledge about mental health and much insight to offer to others, I am going to go out on a limb and suggest maybe you get away from all the negative aspects of life and move into the wonderful and good things that are free to all of us if we choose to go after them. It just depends on where you keep your thoughts and what you do with your time. Go to the park, pack yourself a lunch, take a book, no electronics to space out into. Enjoy the good things and maybe just be with yourself, who knows, you may just begin to like yourself again. You are what you think/believe about yourself, change your thoughts, change your life. It is purposeful at first, but after some time it becomes second nature, and taking better care of yourself, food, sleep, supplements all help as well. “Hating” yourself is your own doing. What you think has caused you to feel that way. Comparison is the thief of contentment, as they say. You are no better or worse than anyone else, we all fall short.

    • Thanks! I went through a lot of bullying growing up then an emotionally abusive marriage and some other issues. Now is definitely the time to work on myself.

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