A solitary Christmas…

me at Christmas 1971I was a tiny toddler, which makes sense considering I weighed less than 5lbs at birth. My second Christmas, while the adults all chattered, I would perch on a present and stare in awe at the tree.

“Mustn’t touch,” I’d murmur to myself, one finger mere millimetres away from an ornament. “Mustn’t touch.” And there I’d sit, awed by the shining lights and shimmering decorations.

Not much later my Mom would ask me what I wanted for Christmas and my answer was always the same; a tree with lots of sparkling lights and decorations. My Mom would assure me we would get that, it came with the whole Christmas package, but I was insistent it was all I wanted. So she’d guess and I was happy. The tree was still my first Christmas love though.

The years went on. My sisters and I discovered the Sears Wishbook and spent hours pouring through it, circling items we (along with the rest of North America) never got. I started paying attention to ads and things in stores as we were passing through. Plus I had genuine needs. But I still spent a good chunk of time just sitting beside the tree and admiring it. There was still that tree shaped space in my heart.

Finally I became an adult and then a mother. My tree wasn’t just for myself but for a couple of little ones. I began buying ornaments and decorations every year to remind me of the time we spent together. And the years went from the ornaments being placed.all.together.on.a.single.branch to “I’ve brought all the totes up from storage Mom. I’m going to play Fallout 3 now.”

And February 2020 I moved into an apartment on my own.

I’ve downsized a bit. I no longer have my grouping of three small trees (with real bark trunks) and my tree has shrunk from 5.5ft to 4.5ft. But I still have four Rubbermaid totes and several bags down in storage. I need two trips, and that’s with my big canvas wagon. It’s definitely pretty when everything’s up though.

I was out with two of my friends one evening and we were under my living room window.

“You can see my wreath,” I said excitedly. “And my tree!”

Both friends admitted they didn’t put up any decorations because, “It’s too much work just for me”.

STOP right there! It is not too much work. If you want the decorations and the glitz then you deserve them. Society acts like being single is some sort of holding pattern that you wait in until you’re back into a relationship. It’s not. You are equally valid no matter how many or few partners you have or how many people you expect to stop by over the holidays. You matter. Just that. You!

Also, make it your holiday. After all it’s your place. Got a thing for pink? Get a pink tree! Don’t want the hassle of putting up and decorating a 6ft giant? Buy a three footer and stick it on the side table. Want everything Doctor Who? Great! Just, umm, face the weeping angel topper toward a mirror. You can never be too safe, right?

But please don’t think you’re not worth it. Christmas is for anyone who wants to celebrate and that includes you. You know you’ve got some inner tinsel in you (just keep it away from the kitties). Now, here’s some vegan chocolate chip cookies and a Christmas music playlist on YouTube. If you’ve got decorations you’ve still got time left. If you don’t then you can browse for next year’s decorations to your heart’s content.

overview of apartment

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4 thoughts on “A solitary Christmas…

  1. Happy Christmas from the north west of England 🙂 I’m not sure what kind of a Christmas it will be for us, hopefully we will be able to spend it with those we love. Anything else would just be gravy! Hope you have as good a Christmas as possible x

  2. On your incel article….teach women not to be disgusted by vulnerable men, and you will help this a lot. Most women have a “man up” mentality towards these broken boys.

    Are you really so blind that you can’t see how this is counter productive?

    The thing is, incels are a gift to Feminism. They give credence to their misandry.

    A broken man is a hated man. The weirdo, the loser, the creep.
    When do you hear people use these terms about isolated women?

    • That would depend on what you mean by “vulnerable men”. One of the men in a group I belong to has cried for several reasons and all he’s recieved is sympathy. There is a huge difference between “vulnerable men/broken boys” and “manipulative/negative/harrassing”. Sometimes the man who’s pushed away is done so because they’re seen as a threat.

      Incels are in no way a gift to feminism. Feminism aims to help women and a group bent on harming women is not a help. And while I don’t tend to hear “the creep”, I have heard both “weirdo” and “loser” when it comes to women.

      I have no idea why you commented on my Christmas post when my Incel post has an open comment thread.

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