The pause…

I don’t know why I’m surprised each time it happens, but I am. I’ll be in a conversation with a stranger, like a cashier, and then it comes. The pause.

“… and is your… son vegan too?” the cashier asks as she scans my vegan margarine and packages of Gardein vegan “meat”, giving Colin a not so subtle second glance.

Colin smiling on his balconyThe pause is *just* long enough to be noticeable and happens often enough that I know it’s happening. And I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Colin’s been through puberty and now wears all his clothes from the mens section of clothing stores. He’s also horrible at shaving and usually has a tad more than a 5 o’clock shadow. I know he has long hair but so many men do these days, it shouldn’t warrant confusion. And, yet, people (multiple people) still pause and give him a second glance before choosing his pronoun. Some even start out referring to him as female, only to revert to male pronouns with no little amount of embarrassment.

These days everyone we know has settled back to Colin and him, as if he never was Emma and her. As if it’s not even been half a year since he detransitioned for fertility reasons. Everyone except for his doctor’s office, who he never informed otherwise. Maybe he just forgot? Maybe he gets some relief from hearing someone calling him by his real name? I don’t know. I haven’t asked.

Meanwhile, we’ll still continue to go out for walks and shopping and Colin will continue to get “the pause”.

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Pronoun confusion…

I had a meeting yesterday with someone from Jeremy’s school. We sat down to discuss zir options, one of which involves transferring Jeremy to an even smaller classroom setting with higher expectations and the possibility of earning credits. The staff member asked me what my hopes were for Jeremy. I immediately started talking about how much Jeremy loves working on computers and other electronic devices. Zie needs real classroom experience to learn how to fix and operate these devices; fiddling around on zir own isn’t enough. This is a talent Jeremy can use to gain real employment, unlike the school’s current “opportunity”. Zir job placement right now is shredding the classroom’s paper.

“Zie needs a chance at hands on experience; to do things zieself…” I paused. That wasn’t right. “Herself… himself…” I blurted. I figured I’d hit the right pronoun eventually, if I could remember any more. My head dropped onto my hands. “I stink at pronouns,” I groaned. “Words in general…”

I looked up at the staff member’s baffled expression then sighed. “Right… I’ll just redo that sentence…” And I did.

The plus side (kind of) is Jeremy finds conversations like this hilarious. And the cats have yet to notice being called zir.