Everything’s coming up aces…

This whole week is Asexuality Awareness Week, which is so needed because most people have absolutely no idea what asexuality is… and quite a few who think they do actually don’t know either.

The very short definition of asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction. That’s pretty much it. There is more though. Asexuality is an umbrella term with several kinds of asexuality under that one definition. There are people who experience romantic attraction (hugging, kissing, snuggling, holding hands) and there are people who don’t. The people who don’t are called aromantic. And there are people who experience sexual attraction only rarely. They’re called grey-sexual. Grey-romantic exists too and is very close to aromantic.

There are also sexual orientations that fall under the definition. People can be pan-romantic (like me) and experience a romantic attraction to people of all genders. Or they can be bi-romantic, hetero-romantic, or homo-romantic. And some people are attracted to intelligence (sapio-romantic). This last one is controversial with people claiming it’s ableist. I personally think it should be your own choice who you’re attracted to. A relationship is going to tank if you’re only together to be politically correct.

Then there’s sex repulsed, sex indifferent, and sex favourable asexuals. Sex repulsed can’t stand even the thought of sex. Sex indifferent will have sex, usually to please a partner but would just as happily not have it. And sex favourable asexuals like sex and enjoy having it. They don’t experience sexual attraction but it doesn’t stop them from having fun with sex. And, yes, asexuals can and do masturbate. That has nothing to do with attraction of any sort.

Asexual’s often are referred to as ace or aces (aromantics are known as aros) and there’s a running joke that asexuals want cake instead of sex. It’s probably lasted so long because it’s 99% true (I’d like chocolate salted caramel please). Aces will sometimes wear a black ring on their right middle finger but this isn’t very well known and the couple of people I saw wearing one weren’t asexual at all (and were really confused to be asked).

When you see the A in LGBTQIA, that stands for asexual, aromantic, and agender. There is no ally in the LGBTQIA panoply. It’s not an acronym for straight people.

If you have a question I haven’t covered, please feel free to ask me!

asexual

The asexual flag

 

 

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On dinner guests and why my cat is purple…

I was heading out the door for a (futile) look for bike locks at Dollarama when my phone rang. It was my friend A letting me know her fiance’s birthday was today, the day of our dinner party. He was turning 16 (with a few decades experience… and a year to grow on). I promised I’d make a cake to go with dinner and mentally decided to run into Metro for a cake mix. I have an amazing from scratch recipe but it’s better for cupcakes than layer cakes.

I got home at the four hours until company mark and did a quick clean and sweep of our place before placing one scented candle in the middle of our table and the other on the fireplace mantle. The candles were a gift from A and S so I figured they’d be appreciated.

Just over an hour later I stepped over Jeremy’s HotWheels track (asking them, once again, to put it away) and took two aromatic pans out of the oven. Fifteen minutes later I looked at an irreparable mess. I joke that frosting is an amazing glue but there’s a limit to what it can do.

crumbled-cake

Almost recognizable as cake

I frantically messaged several of my friends and one (thankfully) suggested making cake balls. I can do that! Smushing cake bits into frosting then rolling it into balls is in my skill set.

My hands closely resembled mud mitts when Jeremy exclaimed something unprintable. I turned to see our dining room and half of Smudge coated in purple wax… the scented candle still rocking in the corner. Thankfully no one (and nothing) was burned but this was two hours until company time, we had exactly two cake balls and a room that looked like it was decorated by Jackson Pollock.

candle-wax

The cat was pretty well decorated too

A frantic call to vet gave me the instructions to a) put some ice on the wax and b) when informed the cat was now one third wax, to wait for time to take its course. At that point Smudge was trying to moon walk out of the wax and Jeremy was scraping the floor with my good metal spatula.

“Leave the wax for now,” I asked them. “It’s time to take Angel to the vet for her shot.”

I was giving Jeremy an extra 15 minutes to get ready, knowing they’d need it.

“I’ll need a harness,” they announced five minutes later.

“Umm why? She doesn’t need a harness in her carry box.”

“But I’m anxious and want to carry her,” Jeremy announced.

“And you have to walk across a busy road,” I protested.

I was up to five misshapen blobs and our company was coming in just over an hour. The cat was still purple, there was a coated spatula on the dining room floor, and I hadn’t even started dinner.

“But the carry box is breaking,” Jeremy informed me frantically. “I can’t put her in there!”

“Why didn’t you tell me before now,” I blurted.

MELTDOWN

Once Jeremy calmed down, they left with Angel in their arms at three minutes to her appointment and I settled in to making the rest of the cake balls. I declared enough at 15 balls… if anyone wants cake-ball batter, I have half a bowl sitting in the fridge complete with a teaspoon.

Time to make dinner and, I realized with dawning horror, I had nothing but a jar of marinara sauce and noodles. I was going to make fresh rolls but that time got taken up with purple wax and exploding cake. And I had been planning on buying fresh veggies for the sauce and a bottle of frizzante but I was so pleased to remember the cake that I forgot.

Jeremy walked in with Angel and almost immediately right back out again with a list of exactly three items. Pop, leaf lettuce, and four nice soft dinner rolls. There wasn’t any point in adding veggies at this point. I didn’t have time to cook them.

“That’s not fair,” Jeremy blurted. “I just got home.”

“Do you want to wash the baking dishes and set the table instead?”

“Fine, I’ll go,” they sighed at fifteen minutes to company.

The grocery store is a five minute walk away. Five minutes later I could still hear Jeremy chatting with a random stranger… eight floors below. They got home one minute before our company arrived with a container of mixed greens, four bottles of pop, and four bags of potato chips.

“Umm, Jeremy, where are the buns?” I asked as I looked (again) through the bags.

They sighed. “Buns are boring Mom! That’s why I got chips. Only boring parties serve bread.”

“And what are we going to sop the leftover sauce up with?” I asked and they stared at me blankly.

“Chips are still cool!” they retorted, waving a bag of jalapeno chips in the air.

The guests were great and everyone enjoyed the cake balls (thanks K!) but, much to Jeremy’s disappointment, it’ll be a while before I invite guests over for dinner again. Smudge and I need to recover.

A reason to celebrate!

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I got my 2,500th follower today and that’s definitely a good reason for cake! Rainbow confetti cake with orange flavoured frosting to be exact.

It’s not perfect. I was almost out of gel and had to write the zeros with the end of a corncob handle, but that pretty much sums up our life. Things don’t go as planned but we improvise and keep trying. And somehow it works out in the end.

I’m so glad you’re all here. Thank you so much for reading and being a part of our lives.

Happy Birthday Jeremy!

It ended up being a day for just the two of us, and it was great 🙂

I got all the presents out last night then wrapped them…

the presents from me

My Mom and I went shopping yesterday and picked up the Jaffa Cakes (which Jeremy loves). I mentioned to the shop keeper that Jeremy was really into Doctor Who and was informed that all the teens who watch Doctor Who want Jammie Dodgers and Jelly Babies. Okay then, some more candy went onto the pile. And I couldn’t resist the puppy picture when I found it at BouClair (one of Jeremy’s favourite shops). Lately, every time Jeremy’s asked to guess something he asks, “Is it a puppy?” in blatant imitation of my friend M. I was thrilled to be able to tell him today that I did get him a puppy. He informed me this was the best type of puppy because it doesn’t need walking or cleaning.

Jeremy loved his card too although he was disappointed one of the balloons didn’t have a fancy string…

birthday card

I’ll work on that next time LOL. The card says “Today is going to be so happy… Today is going to make all the other days jealous”.

I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast, at Jeremy’s request then he built circuits while I baked his cake. And then we went to his favourite Japanese restaurant for lunch, followed by go-karting…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

I’d deliberately taken this shot from behind so I wouldn’t get Jeremy’s face in the shot, only to realize once we got out of the building that Jeremy had turned so his face would be in the photo. Crap.

“Jeremy?” I asked, holding out the camera. “Do you think anyone could tell this is you?”

He peered intently at the screen. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

“I was taking the picture for the blog,” I explained. “I didn’t think you’d turned. But it’s okay, I can blur your face.”

“But Mom! What if someone sees the background and recognizes the track? What if they think ‘I’ve been there before’ and look at the date and see my birthday was the same day? What if they realize it’s me?”

I look at the stats on the blog. At the beginning, the majority of the readers were in the States so I was able to tell Jeremy no one would know who he was. But I’m getting more visitors from Canada which means there’s more of a possibility.

“Jeremy? What is the worst that could happen if someone recognizes you?”

He stopped for half a second to stare at me. “Well, people would know who I am. People would know this is me on the blog.”

“Okay…” I drew the word out. As far as I could tell, he was stating the obvious.

He stared at me again. “Mom,” he said then paused. “What if I got disowned?”

I had absolutely know idea this was a worry of his. No idea at all.

“Jeremy, that’s not going to happen,” I protested. He didn’t look convinced. “If anyone ever disowned you, I’d disown them,” I promised and he grinned.

We walked a few more steps. “Hon, seriously. No one’s going to disown you. I already have two gay cousins.”

And he relaxed.

Then came Jeremy’s favourite part of the day. We went shopping. We went to Target, Value Village, Staples, Dollarama, and then back to Value Village. Well he went back to Value Village, I ditched him to go grocery shopping. Jeremy loves shopping and, well, it was his birthday so I tolerated it.

Also, I don’t know why I thought his birthday candle was pink, maybe because that’s the colour in every video I’ve found, but it turned out to be blue. It didn’t play music but it did spin so it was fabulous…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

You can see Jeremy’s new Doctor Who t-shirt and his brand new Doctor Who necklace from Emma. The necklace contains both a watch and a mirror. Jeremy loves it. And his shorts really are silver.

Happy 17th birthday Jeremy! You’re an amazing kid. I’m very lucky to be your mother.

This is new…

Every year since Jeremy was old enough to talk, he’s had huge plans for his birthday. The plans start around Christmas, usually a little before but sometimes a little after. Then the next half a year is spent scaling him down to something affordable.

His biggest party was his 11th birthday. He insisted it had to be something big and memorable because both numbers were the same and that wasn’t going to happen again for a long time. The long time was only eleven years, but since that was his entire lifetime I decided not to argue. That year I had a Build a Bear party for him.

This year he wants to invite two friends Go-Karting at a local indoor activity centre. That’s definitely feasible. They can each get three turns go-karting then come here for dinner and a swim. So all seems to be planned… except for the cake.

Every single year Jeremy has planned something big for his cake. Back in January he saw an ice cream Jaffa cake and loved it but that’s no longer being sold. His next request was a working TARDIS cake, which lead me to inform him I’d made the cake, it was up to him to find out which time and dimension it was in. Even a non-working one is beyond my skills. He had no other suggestions.

I mentioned at work today that I needed to find a cake for Jeremy’s birthday. One middle aged coworker perked right up.

“I know,” she said enthusiastically. “Boob cakes! We used to make them at my old work.”

Even if Jeremy was interested in breasts, I didn’t think that would be an appropriate cake for me to make him. I only shared the latter part with her.

When I got home, I went online and showed Jeremy several videos of cakes being decorated. He wasn’t interested in any of them. Although he was willing to say maybe a pie would be okay. Jeremy doesn’t like pie, other than a peanut butter pudding pie I made a few years ago. I dug out my peanut butter pudding recipe and figured I could make it vegan. He agreed that sounded good but wasn’t enthusiastic. Which means he didn’t really want it.

While I’ve been writing this, I got onto the Silk website and started browsing for any sort of cake recipes. Then I stumbled upon a vanilla bean ice cream recipe which sounded good and remembered how excited Jeremy was about that Jaffa ice cream cake.

“Jeremy?” I called. “I found a recipe for vegan vanilla bean ice cream. If it works, would you like an ice cream cake for your birthday?”

“Yes!!!” he shouted back enthusiastically.

I searched up ice cream cake recipes and came up with an Oreo ice cream cake. Oreos are vegan and if I’m going to make a cake, I want to be able to eat some of it too. Jeremy loves Oreos. He was just as enthusiastic about the cake recipe.

Back in January, we bought a special candle. This is going to be one heck of a cake:

So this is new in two ways. The first being that Jeremy had no idea what cake to have for his birthday, only a month away from the actual occasion. And the second by finding out what cake he wanted while writing this blog entry.