The moving Colin blues…

I always figured the hardest part of moving is the packing (and unpacking). Now I’ve found a new frustration. Colin.

I love Colin dearly but he’s turning simple apartment hunting into a nightmare. He has several agencies helping him, which is great. The first unit they showed him was supposed to be a room with meals included. It was in a long term care facility and he’d have two other roommates and not even a curtain to give him some privacy. There wasn’t room for any belongings either. We all agreed that was not a good fit.

My last attempt to help him was when I found a gorgeous one bedroom apartment for $675/m. It was a ground floor unit and included access to the backyard including the deck and the jacuzzi. Yeah… a jacuzzi.

Colin turned it down because it was a “basement apartment” then proceeded to explain that every apartment in a house was a basement apartment, no matter what floor it was on, because the landlord could just say he had a family member who needs the unit and he’d be out in two months. Which is theoretically correct but isn’t that common. Colin kept insisting it was and after he yelled for a decent amount of time I told him I was no longer helping.

John Howard Society found him a room yesterday and he immediately took a look. It was close to shopping and, at $600/m, definitely affordable. Colin just turned it down because now he wants to get a full time job and stay here. At first he talked about working construction but someone (other than me) must have talked to him because now he’s talking about Dollarama.

I want him to find a place so badly so that he has somewhere safe to rest his head once I’m in my own place, and so I don’t have to worry about him with no apartment while I’m moving. But I can’t force him to take a place, no matter how much I want to. He’s a person with strong opinions and is determined this is his best course of action.

The John Howard worker is still looking for a place for him. I just hope he takes the next place.

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The apartment I found

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Flashback Friday…

I was going through old videos today and found this one. It’s not fancy or artistic or preplanned. It was just a bit of afternoon fun. I’m so glad I recorded it to remind myself of what the kids were like when they were little. They grew so fast! Enjoy!

 

Falling through the cracks…

I got approved for my apartment back in January and figured it would be easy to get Colin an apartment before I moved. After all we had so much time.

The first spot we looked at was my own building since it’s being built as affordable housing. A market rent apartment there is $840/m which is doable. Sadly they updated the page and now electricity is not included. The local hydro company informed me it would be between $100 or $200 a month, which he cannot afford.

Then we moved our view to the co-op behind us. I’ve got friends there and the price was reasonable at $894/m. It even included all utilities and basic cable. We went to pick up an application and discovered the rent was just over $900/m now and going up more in June. Colin sadly informed me he just couldn’t afford that. He’d be left with just under $200/m to buy groceries and his bus pass. And there’s no way he could afford internet or a cellphone, which aren’t technically necessities but are needed to communicate.

He’s involved with four agencies now and got a chance at a room. It was $850/m and included meals. He agreed to take a look, hoping it would be as big as his room here because then he could keep all his computers. He’s got a computer for every Windows that has been produced since he was born. This kid is a born geek.

The room turned out to be in a nursing home and had two other beds in there with no privacy curtains. He would not have the room for any of his belongings, other than some clothes, and would be living in close quarters with two strangers. He turned it down and we all agreed it wasn’t a good fit.

I figure, with four agencies, he should find something soon. Which is good seeing as all I’ve found in his price range is a bachelor in a really crummy building, complete with free range roaches.

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I left a message with the building I’m moving into asking for an estimated completion date or tentative move in date but haven’t heard anything yet. I’m going to need to give two months notice here so the earliest I can move at this point is July 1st. I’m sure all of us who are moving there are in the same boat.

I can’t help but feeling like we’re falling through the cracks, especially Colin. I’ve found several amazing looking basement apartments for under $700/m but one agency he’s working with will not assist him (or anyone else) with basement apartments. They’re offering to pay his last month’s rent and putting $200 towards moving expenses so it’s not like we can just say, “Nah, they aren’t worth it.”

But tomorrow’s the start of a new work week and there’s two agencies now who are looking for supportive housing for him (on top of the other searches). With any luck they’ll find something amazing for him soon and we can start our packing and letting go… of our apartment… of belongings that just don’t fit… and of living with another person. Let’s just hope those cracks are small and Colin gets a place before he falls through.

I wear my tears on the inside…

The conversation came out of nowhere. One minute we were getting ready to catch the bus and the next Colin was talking about whether trans people should out themselves to prospective dates. I was on the side of no and Colin, surprisingly enough, went for yes.

“It’s no one’s business what’s in someone else’s pants,” I said as I locked the front door. “Genitals are private.”

“What about you and L?” he asked. “You must know about her.”

“No,” I replied. “I’ll probably find out if we get serious but right now it’s none of my business.”

“Well it’s not right,” Colin loudly insisted. “I don’t want to find out my girlfriend’s transgender after I’ve been dating her for a while. I don’t want to find out we can’t have kids together. Not when I’ve given up my own happiness for a kid.”

Those words free fell from his mouth to crash onto the tiled floor.

“Given up my own happiness”

I couldn’t cry, I just couldn’t. He didn’t need that. His pain was his own and I couldn’t add to it.

We were halfway to the bus stop when I casually commented, “Did you know disabled kids are the least likely to get adopted?”

I tried to keep my tone light and non-committal. We’ve already had the adoption talk before and it wouldn’t help to go through it twice. But I was talking to the person who asked the store clerk if they had any special needs guinea pigs. Luckily I succeeded and he proceeded to talk about special needs all the way to the bus stop. Hopefully I’ve planted a seed.

I wish he’d put his own happiness ahead of a baby that doesn’t exist and a girlfriend he has yet to meet but that’s got to be decided by him, not me. So I’ll just keep remembering “given up my own happiness” and let the tears trickle down on the inside where he can’t see.

Colin and Angel

 

And the moving plans begin…

20190127_130325Yesterday I got the news I’ve been hoping for. My name is 100% for sure on the confirmation list for the new building and I’ll be moving sometime in August. They can’t specify any more than that because, as you can see, the building isn’t finished and I’m sure they’ve got tonnes more to do inside too.

Colin’s picked out the building he’d like to move to and will be putting an application in on Monday. We also sat down last night and worked on an application for Value Village. Next step is to make a resume.

The one thing we’re struggling with is the Go Fund Me. So far he only has two donations. Apparently I’m not good at this asking for money thing. I’m happy with the money he’s got but it won’t cover last month’s rent and he needs that. The apartment he’s looking at is $895/m and he needs it up front. I’m not expecting huge donations, a hundred $5 donations is $500, so anything can help. I’ll be linking his Go Fund Me me to every post from now on until he a) has enough money or b) is moving. I’ve been sharing his Go Fund Me more on Facebook but even there is going to increase. I hope people understand. This is so anxiety inducing for both Colin and I. We thought we had years before I got up to the top of the list and now we have months. I keep telling myself it’ll be worth it when it’s over but that’s hard to believe when my heart feels like it’s doing the mamba.

And, with no further ado, here’s the link…

Colin’s Go Fund Me

Colin’s blog post…

We are starting to get into a world where, instead of having it where you buy a video game and can play it forever, we just can’t. Look at a game like Dark Spore. It was an okay game I’ve heard. I have two copies and I can’t play either, unless I somehow get a crack for it or a server emulator, which is stupid. There are people who probably saw the game and bought it after the servers were brought down. I know that because that’s when I bought mine…

If you’re interested in reading more, please head over to Colin’s blog here.