Today is not a good day in some regards. I woke up feeling suicidal and, quite frankly, the only thing stopping me from going to the hospital is spending eight hours in the ER waiting room and their crappy food once I’m admitted. But I’m home and I’m safe in my room. And one of the reasons I’m safe is you.
I was terrified when I discovered that cheque had been removed? voided? well it just wasn’t there anymore. That was my entire half of the rent just gone… and it was replaced in one day by friends. One day. It’s more than I expected… it’s more than I hoped.
I am so glad all of you are here. Thank you!
Jeremy has known about this blog since I started writing it. They enjoy listening to the blog posts but it hasn’t really affected them. There’s been a couple of times I’ve commented on “our blog” or “our views” and each time they’ve quickly retaliated with “it’s your blog”.
Jeremy has me for support and their sister but that’s pretty much it. Their closest friend moved in June and, as I posted yesterday, they aren’t getting support from the school. I know my family loves Jeremy but I can’t see them hauling up a rainbow flag and practicing saying “they” for a pronoun. They’re far more likely to declare Jeremy to be weird and claim “he’ll outgrow it”. So no real support there either. Even their counselor has no information on being trans and, on top of that, she’s been sick for the past month. Jeremy hasn’t seen her since July.
I got up this morning and replied to comments on yesterday’s post… then replied to comments during both my breaks and on the bus ride home. When I got home, Jeremy informed me one of their educational assistants had read the letter. She wanted Jeremy to know they can’t use the netbook as a way to calm down, it was strictly for school work. This wasn’t in the letter at all. Meanwhile she didn’t ask which pronoun Jeremy would rather her use, which was in the letter. Maybe she skimmed it too.
I pulled Jeremy over to the computer and started reading the comments. They sat and listened to every one of them, insisting I read them all, even the ones not aimed at us.
“Look Mom, we’ve had 114 people read our blog today,” they said excitedly once I was done. Our blog.
We went for a picnic in our local conservation area and for the first time Jeremy opened up on their thoughts about trans in general. Then they commented on how life would be better if we lived in Minecraft.
“There would be no racism,” they mused. “Plus there’s no gender in Minecraft and you can change how you look as many times as you want.” They paused, obviously lost in thought. “Oh, and you could punch down trees with your fist.”
Thank you for being here because I can’t do this on my own.