They haunt me, these children. Their stories have been etched into my mind, jumping out seemingly at random, popping into my thoughts with all their sorrow. They live here inside me and I don’t know how to let them go. I usually keep quiet about them because they’re, quite literally, traumatic but I’m sharing a story of a child with you today, partly because they’re the newest and haunting me the most, but mostly because their story isn’t gory (as so many of them are).
It started with a short video including a transcript and it was shared in a group I belong to. I clicked the link with some trepidation and the video began. The setting was a father (behind the camera) and a young child who looked to be around five. The father starts with, “Can you repeat what you just said?” and so the child obliged.
“Daddy? I’m a girl.”
The father immediately told her she was wrong and, before she could say anything, he grabbed her full glass of water and ice then upended it on her side plate. She looked at him with absolute confusion then asked, “But why?”
Tears stained her cheeks as he asked, “Aren’t you going to drink your water from your cup?”
She started to cry even harder and said, “That’s not a cup”. Poor kid, she shared something of vital importance to her and he responded by dumping her water. Talk about feeling unheard.
Then her Dad responded with, “Yes, it’s a plate and always will be a plate.” He pointed his finger from the cup back to the plate.
“Cup and plate. Cup and plate. They will always be cup and plate.” He must have made a gesture because she chimed in, hopelessly saying, “Cup and plate.”
The man posted the video, obviously, for attention and it worked. He had thousands of people agreeing with him and praising him for being a good father.
A good father
He did not change his daughter into a boy, that isn’t something that can be done through videotaping and humiliating anyone. His daughter is still a girl. But she’s now a girl who knows she cannot trust her father with anything personal or important. He’s not safe. And she’ll grow up from childhood to her teen years (and beyond) feeling unsafe. She’ll end up going through the wrong puberty, watching as her body change in ways she never wanted. Hopefully she won’t follow the footsteps of Leelah Alcorn, who was trapped by her right-wing fundamentalist Christian parents and kept away from anyone supportive. They refused to let Leelah be herself until she got to the point where she felt that the only way she could be free was by stepping in front of a transport truck. No one should feel that desperate and unheard.
This man’s daughter has been born into a world where people feel comfortable enough to share,repeatedly, a ceiling-view sketch of the torso, legs, and feet of someone who has hung themself. The sketch also includes a large transgender flag on the wall. This message is in no way subtle. Another comment is 41% – which is the number of trans youths in a survey who had attempted suicide. Saying “you should be one of the 41%” is blatant to anyone who’s heard of the study, but how many people have heard of it?
This man’s child is facing a future with hatred and discrimination and his first action was to humiliate her across the internet. How many of the thousands of people who agreed with him unknowingly have a transgender child of their own? A child who is waiting for their chance to speak. You’re supposed to support your children, not drive them to the brink of suicide. And to do it for social media likes is appalling.
I don’t know this child’s name or where she lives (other than the US) and I will never know how she fares in the future. All I can do is hope. And so I tuck her in with the rest of the children and hope they rest gently tonight, in real life and inside my mind.
Because I'm Fabulous 