The good… the bad… and, well, there really isn’t an ugly…

I had a meeting today with the agency that’s helping me move and they had my move in date!!! I’m going to be moving on February 5th, nineteen more days! Which is great but I have so much left to do. I didn’t think I’d be moving so soon. I’m sure panic will get me through the next few weeks.

My main concern, once I found out my moving date, was Colin. He’d been assured that he’d have a place by the end of January but nothing more was said and his next appointment with the agency is the end of January. So I called the cheerful, optimistic lady who’s been assuring us everything’s fine and got told that they had until the end of February to move him and, if they didn’t find a place, they’d “try” to get him a storage unit and would place him in a homeless shelter. So a good chunk of this afternoon was spent looking at rooms for rent. He’s already messaged one place and is waiting for a reply.

I got to see pictures of an apartment identical to mine. I’m still worried about my dresser but the kitchen looks great and the bathroom looks amazing. The only downside is the side of the tub is lower so it’s easier to get in, which means no baths. This would be a huge disappointment for Colin because he loves baths but I’m not fond of them and have maybe one or two a year. I’d much rather have a shower.

Well I’m off to work on my holiday bins. I know that I don’t use as many decorations as there are in my bins so there’s plenty to donate or pitch. The storage room looks like something out of a horror movie so wish me luck!

New Year… same me…

New Year same meI saw the meme on the left and it really spoke to me. I’m so tired of making goals to lose weight. It’s a never ending goal. I weighed 170lbs and was in a size medium and it still wasn’t good enough. This year I’m focussing on changing things to make life better and easier for me.

I’m joining a gym, not to lose weight but to keep flexibility and sleep better. It’s one of the healthiest choices I can make.

I’m eating better because I want to stay healthy. Diabetes runs in my family and I’d like to skip that. Plus I really don’t think junk food is going to help my depression. That being said, I have no problems with making easy food. I routinely buy boil in a bag rice and chana masala. That’ll be dinner tonight. Two minutes and a piping hot, healthy meal. My depression and anxiety makes eating healthy a challenge but I’m going to do my best to make quick, healthy meals to nourish my body and soul.

And I’m not going to push myself to the point of an anxiety attack. I don’t have to take out the recycling now, it can wait until tomorrow. Same with the dishes. And the world won’t come to a crashing halt if I sit in my swing chair for a half hour to unwind. It also won’t stop because I took a nap, and if that nap ensures I can function for the next few hours, all the better.

We live in a no pain, no gain society. Work hard… no harder! Train hard… where are your six pack abs? Diet to a size zero. We ask whether someone’s on keto or counting their macros but never how they’re doing mentally or emotionally. Where we are is not good enough when there’s someone else doing better. And we’re rapidly burning ourselves out in a futile attempt at being perfect.

None of us are going to make it to perfect. We all have flaws. As Leonard Cohen writes:

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.

So do what you can… do what you must… but don’t forget about you. The only person you’re going to be with for your whole life is you and don’t you think she deserves a little respect?

me-on-new-years-day

Me taking a walk on New Year’s Day

Merry Christmas!!!

Our stockings are unstuffed and our presents opened. Poor Colin’s coughing up a lung and has a fever, I hope he doesn’t have bronchitis. He’s staying home and resting today while I go visit family at my sister’s place. Despite Colin not feeling well, Christmas has been good this year. My parents got me the cutest rhino sheet set and I’m looking forward to spending time with family.

This is the last Christmas song until next December and I think then I’ll try a more manageable 12 days instead of a month of song. And I’d like to say it looked like Christmas out but we’ve got bare ground and sere grass. It feels like Christmas though, and that’ll be good enough.

Our last song this year is White Christmas as sung by Bing Crosby. Enjoy and have a wonderful day!!!

Five more days…

Colin and I each got ourselves each a Fitbit for Christmas (for the worry warts, we used a gift card, not our grocery money). I had every intention of testing it out on a walk today. However, it’s currently -14C before the windchill and I’m still coughing. The doctor said that would take several weeks to fade away. But that temperature and walking just don’t go well together… especially since this is the last cold day this week. Tomorrow will be a much better day.

I’m in a nostalgic mood today although nostalgia often means being ignorant of what’s happening behind the scenes (*cough* JK Rowling *cough). My nostalgia is for family Christmases gone by. I remember my Mom sadly proclaiming that Christmas dinner wasn’t anything like the Christmas of her childhood. It’s just different and, for my kids, it’s the only Christmas they’ve known.

Five more days and isn’t that coming up quickly. And, in the spirit of nostalgic Christmas, here’s a carol for you!

Six more days until Christmas

Oh my goodness! I started this countdown at 30 days and Christmas seemed so far away. Not so much now! This time next Wednesday, we’ll be opening our stockings and presents. I can’t wait!

It’s a blustery day here. I’d originally wanted to go for a walk in the woods but the windchill is -11C and visibility is dropping to zero on occasion. Worst of all, I’ve lost my favourite mittens. Walking outside in bare hands does not sound fun.

Today’s song is a Canadian classic. I’m not sure if you can have Christmas without Anne Murray warbling about her three wishes. I’ve got you covered though. The song’s right here, then you’re good to go for the holidays. Enjoy!

17 days until Christmas…

Family has always been an important part of my life, even more so at Christmas. I cherish the memories I have of my grandparents and great grandparents sitting, watching the Christmas tree while listening to classic carols. My Nana always tried to get a sing along started with the carol sheets she got from the newspaper and it always ended up just being me and her. This year’s different. My parents are flying to visit my sister on the other side of the country and I’m not decorating. The tree would look very weird surrounded by boxes. I am, however, still going home for Christmas. I’ll be with my youngest sister and my cousins (unless they too go home for Christmas) and I don’t know who else. My family tends to plan things at the last minute.

So, in the spirit of family and home, I’m playing “I’ll be home for Christmas” with Bing Crosby. (((hugs))) for those who can’t go home. I hope you have a chosen family to spend the holidays with.

23 days until Christmas…

I had today’s Christmas carol picked out half a week ago when I discovered the forecast was for fairly mild temperatures and a lot of snow. I woke up this morning to frigid cold winds and brief smatterings of snow… not enough to even dust the ground. So that song’s been postponed.

I’m not feeling very Christmasy this morning and woke with a song on my lips. It’s ostensibly a Christmas song but not really. I loved it in my cynical teens and twenties and maybe some of my younger readers will enjoy it too. For my older and/or more traditional readers, I’ll have a more traditional song tomorrow. For now, here’s Weird Al’s “Christmas at Ground Zero”.